


odds & ends

by brightblackbird



Series: Hamanaka Fucks It Up For Everybody [4]
Category: Rookies - Morita Masanori & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon - Manga, Established Relationship, Furry (mentioned), Hiratsuka's Issues, Kaomoji, Kink Shaming, Leeks, M/M, Mentions of Vore, Microphilia (mentioned), Old Wives' Tales, Post-Canon, Sickfic, Texting, Unconnected Chapters, YouTube, might as well start tagging that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightblackbird/pseuds/brightblackbird
Summary: just some bits I never managed to fit in elsewhere





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The "Hiratsuka's Issues" tag encompasses a wide array of personality flaws, ranging from the canonical "being a rude, egotistical liar with a terrible temper" to the more headcanony "having massive problems with internalized homophobia and showing affection".

_[outtakes from the story that is not titled **Monkey Business** ]_

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
come out of the closet

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I will live and die inside this closet

—

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you came on my chin

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That could mean anything

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
before i started.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SEE  
It was a defensive move  
My dick sensed danger and took action to repel you

—

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want you to reproduce anyway

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT  
You don't think the world needs more of me???????????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want there to be one copy  
that's mine and no one else's  
that i don't share or give up  
ever  
does that sound okay

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
,,.  
Um  
I guess  
Maybe

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm almost done

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Take your time

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what does that mean

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Nothing you just don't have to hurry anymore

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.......

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
So hypothetically  
If you came back and the other sheets were ruined too could we agree it's technically your fault

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.................

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't ............ me  
I'm in a forgiving mood and you are using it up fast  
If you want the sheets changed you're gonna have to do it yourself

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
fine  
i'm glad you're excited

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I WAS excited  
Now I'm tired  
Enjoy your soup

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i finished the soup

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [excerpts of a longer story in the Hamanaka Fucks It Up series that ended up not being particularly funny or well-structured, overall]

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
So uh  
Ur getting laid rite

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Constantly  
Why

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
What's it like  
I mean I kno what it's like!!!  
Im just wondering about ur particular experiences

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Only the best experience of all time  
Every day of your life  
I can't explain it to an infant like you  
You'll understand someday

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Ok but like specifics???

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's like jerking off but Imaoka's there

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Can u say it in a way that actually sounds fun

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Well then it's like whatever sick shit you're into  
But Imaoka's there  
And you don't need porn cuz he's all there and shit  
And you don't have to do anything cuz he'll do the whole thing himself  
But you do anyway cuz it's fun  
And he says some dumb shit but you both laugh  
And you fall off the table but he kisses you everywhere so it doesn't matter  
And then he feeds you dinner and gives you all the good stuff off his plate  
And you don't have to eat the bell peppers cuz you're a grownass man

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Nothing about this sounds fun

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I TOLD YOU ITS ALL THE FUN PARTS FROM JERKING OFF  
AND IMAOKAS THERE SO YOU DONT GET LONELY  
AND YOU DONT CARE WHAT HE THINKS SO YOU DONT GET NERVOUS  
What kind of impossible standards do you have

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I don't WANT him there

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WELL TOO BAD HE IS  
DO YOU NEED ANGELS SUCKING YOUR DICK OR WHAT BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I JUST WANT IMAOKA-SENPAI TO NOT BE THERE

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHERE????????????????

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
THERE  
W ME  
WHERE IS HE SUPPOSED 2 B  
W ME OR W U

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I JUST WANT U TO TELL ME IF HES W U!!!!!!

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Then where is he!!!!

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I DONT KNOW  
WHAT THE FUCK

——

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm at work  
we're both at work  
where else would i be

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OH  
I DONT KNOW

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
please tell me you're at work

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YES IM AT WORK  
I got confused  
It was Hamanaka's fault  
Get in here and tell him off 

 

 

>   _(Imaoka shinobu has joined the chat)_

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
don't tease him.

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
IM NOT TEASING HIM I just want some answers about LIFE  
Maybe he's the 1 teasing ME

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't care about you

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
OK, THANX, I GET IT, U LOVE HIRATSUKA-SENPAI, U WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON LIVE TV  
Where'd u end up being btw

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
He's at WORK dumbass  
Like ME  
The responsible adult

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I thought u just sent him dick pics all day

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I can do that too

——

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you like the bell peppers

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Uhhhhhhh no?

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you eat them when i mix them in

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you don't even notice them

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Are you trying to poison me  
In my own home  
With your bare hands  
You feed me bell peppers

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
because you like them.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Fine then what food makes YOUR soul shrivel up and die  
Let's see how you like it

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
bell peppers  
that's why I give you mine

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU GIVE ME A DOUBLE DOSE  
IN MY OWN HOME

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Nothing about anything u 2 do sounds fun or appealing  
How often do u bang on the table btw  
I eat off that thing

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
When do you eat off our table

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
stay out of our home

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Stay off my table!!!!!!

——

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
ANyway get a boyfriend it kicks ass  
They can read your mind so you don't have to talk about feelings

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I didn't kno u had feelings

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
he has a lot of feelings

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No I don't  
I meant hypothetically  
And you can hug without it being weird and gay  
And eat dessert in bed without getting up

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you're so spoiled

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
AND YOU'RE SLOWLY POISONING ME  
YEAH YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you can make dinner from now on if you want.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Let's not get carried away here

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
or feed yourself

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No I can't you've weakened me with your poisons  
You created this problem and you have to live with it when I wake up dead  
I'm building a pyramid and you have to climb in after me like those Egypt king guys and their other guys when they died  
Bring our stuff too I might need it  
Why did they do all that though it sounds like a lot of work

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
they didn't want to get lonely

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
This isn't about being lonely this is about me having all my stuff

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
including me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Including YOUR STUFF  
You're there to take care of the stuff

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
and of you.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
DUH!!!!!!!!!  
WAIT ICHANGED MY MIND  
I wanna be a diamond  
Compress me into a diamond so I can last forever to remind you of how you poisoned me  
It's the least you can do  
Or shoot me into space!!!!!!!!  
Compress some of me into a diamond canister and put the rest in there and shoot me off into space  
Make sure they aim me at a good part of the sky  
Do I turn into a star or what happens once I'm up there

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i think you just float around  
can we talk about something else?

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOURE the one who chose to poison me  
I'm just trying to make the process easier for you while you're dealing with the guilt  
I can feel my strength fading as I type

——

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why  
Do you cook with bell peppers if we both hate them  
Why do you do that  
?????????

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
so i can give mine to you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you really never notice them.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We are settling this for good next time I do  
Because that doesn't sound like me

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
fine  
next time you notice  
❤️

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Stop hearting at me  
Where'd that little bastard get to  
Is he eating my food

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
our food

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No MY food

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I'm here  
I bring my own food, I just like ur table  
Ur out of toilet paper btw

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No we're not

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
U r now

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WE NEED FLY paper  
Imaoka write that down we need fly paper

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
the mouse traps work better

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Good luck, I'm not falling 4 those again  
Fool me 2 times shame on u. Fool me 3 or more times, shame on me


	3. Chapter 3

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO I've been researching this  
I read a yaoi  
The way it works is there's a manly one made out of rectangles  
And then there's a beautiful one with a bunch of sex appeal  
Haven't figured out where you fit into it yet though

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
thank you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You actually have it easier here  
I'm the one on double duty

——

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Wow idk if I even understood that  
Try taking ur tongue out of Hiratsuka-san's ass first

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
DO YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING  
ARE YOU GETTING HIM ON SPEED DIAL AFTER WE FUCK OR WHAT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.......  
i didn't mention it

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Yeah I meant like, metaphorically

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Change of plans I'm killing you both

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
U act like this would be a surprise 2 anyone who knows u  
His tongue's been up ur ass since the day I met u

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Are you gonna let him talk to you like this???

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
honestly it kind of has

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
See  
Now I'm Imaoka-senpai's favorite  
Bcuz I tell it like it is

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no you're not  
go away

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I actually don't know either one of you and I don't know why you're trying to talk to me  
Please delete my number and go fuck yourselves

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Lol u fucked up

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no, i didn't

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Wait ur right. He fucked up  
Ur just whipped

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
go away

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Omgggg Hiracchi r u feeling Ok after starting that international incident (｡T︿T｡)  
Let me lick ur dick until u feel better (｡•́︿•̀｡)  
That's u  
That's ur future

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
not really, no

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Oh like u WOULDN'T

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i just don't think he'd be that upset

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
(っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥) look it's u 2 but the arm thing is a tongue instead  
Wait the mouth is wrong (´っ`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)  
No wait that looks like ur just waving at me  
(´ `っ(╥ω╥)  
Idk how 2 make the tongue good

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Have you both died of guilt yet or do I have to leave and come back again

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you're making him too upset

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YES THANK YOU  
HE MAKES ME EXTREMELY UPSET  
Tell him off

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
(っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡  
(っ˘з( ˘⌣˘) ♡  
(っ˘з(- ˘⌣˘) ♡  
What r u doing w ur arm usually, is it like that or more of a ﾉ

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
there should be way more hearts

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
♡❤♡❤♡ (っ˘з(- ˘ ⌣˘) ♡❤♡❤♡  
How's that, I made his head fatter

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What the FUCK are you doing

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
he's drawing us  
that one's pretty close

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
(    |    ) And that one's a butt  
(    V    ) Or lady boobs, you can use it for lots of things  
( ✬ V ✬ ) Lady with a cool sexy bra  
( ◉ V ◉ ) Lady without a cool sexy bra  
( ◉ Д ◉ ) My virgin eyes if I ever saw u 2 being all ♡❤♡❤♡ (っ˘з(- ˘ ⌣˘) ♡❤♡❤♡

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You know WHAT

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I mean my eyes r the virgins  
NOT me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You are banned from my home  
For ALL TIME

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
When will u learn that doesn't work on me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Not YOU you  
HIM you  
Until you've atoned for this by killing him

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
ME him or HIM him?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU MEANS HIM AND HIM MEANS YOU  
HE kills YOU or he sleeps on the SIDEWALK FOREVER

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm already at home

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FCUK YOU  
THEN SWITCH WITH ME WHEN I GET THERE ITS THE ONLY HONORABLE THING YOU CAN DO NOW  
Then go find him and kill him  
You may take one item from home to help you  
And you're not allowed to leave the item there because it's my property  
Then I'll need proof of the kill to let you back you in so you'll be carrying two things back  
Think of it like a video game quest and the prize is my trust

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i found some different heart things while you two were talking  
♡     ❤   (≧◡≦) ♡   ❤ (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)    (♡˙︶˙♡)     (´｡• ω •｡`) ♡  
which one do you like

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I hate them all  
As much as I hate YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
stop calling me YOU  
you can use my name

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Y O U can go fuck YOUrself how about THAT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you said you'd use my name more  
Hiracchi

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
NOT IN FRONT OFHIM

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Yeah god, not in front of me pls

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you go away

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I draw u a beautiful picture  & this is the thanks I get????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you finished the picture. go away

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
U r such a bitch  
FINE Idk y I even bothered sharing my talent  
W this CRUEL WORLD!!!!!!!!  
(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ )¤=[]::::: > Me w A SWORD BC I AM SO ANGRY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
goodbye

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
(╬⓪益⓪)

> _HAMANAKA ☀️ has left the chat_

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
How do you get rid of him like that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you have to be firm, he thinks it's funny when you get mad

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What was that last horrible thing he sent

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't know  
i like the hearts better  
you didn't say which heart you liked best

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I hate them all equally I told you that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no, you said you loved them  
more than anybody else in the whole world

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Stop TWISTING MY WORDS  
If you can get rid of him why didn't you do it before

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
he was drawing you  
he still didn't use enough hearts

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't humor him like that next time  
I hate him

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you don't really hate him.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YES I DO I WANT HIM TO LEAVE US ALONE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
well, he likes you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't WANT HIM TO LIKE ME!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you want me to like you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I can live with that  
Maybe

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
♡     ❤   (≧◡≦) ♡   ❤ (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)    (♡˙︶˙♡)     (´｡• ω •｡`) ♡  
i'll just use them all if you won't tell me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FINE THE BIG REGULAR ONE IS KIND OF ACCEPTABLE  
Don't use the faces I don't like them  
They don't have any noses

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OK that's enough of that


	4. Chapter 4

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
HEY  
Dude pick up  
WHY ARENT YOU PICKING IP  
I MEAN UP  
IF YOU DIED IM GONNA BE PISSED JUST WARNING YOU NOW

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no i'm okay  
except for being sick  
where'd you go

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm getting some leeks to heal you

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
oh  
thank you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Do you want regular or one size up I just thought I'd check  
You might also be too feeble so one size down is a possibility but probably you want the most that can fit

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what are you talking about

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM SIZING THE LEEKS TELL ME WHICH SIZE YOU WANT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why are you sizing them?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I couldn't tell in the store so I bought a bunch and I'm gonna take the rest back once I decide

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.........where are you right now?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I KNEW YOUD HAVE A FIT IF I CHECKED IN THE STORE  
SO IM IN THAT BATHROOM STALL IN THE PARK  
I'm gonna wash the ones I take back so don't even start with me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what exactly are you doing?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I am checking  
The leeks I have bought  
To see which one is gonna fit  
Up your ass

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
do not bring the store back anything you've put up there.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
And heal your flu virus  
THAT wouldn't tell me anything you idiot we're talking about YOUR ass here  
What kind of fool do you take me for  
I'm checking them against my dick for your information  
To be honest none of them are measuring up width wise  
You need the maximum amount of leek so maybe we can bundle them together  
Where'd you go!!!!!!!!!!

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm feeling way sicker suddenly  
please just bring them here and cook something

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Do you know how long it takes stuff to get into your system from just eating it????????  
The inside of the butt is an express delivery path to the bloodstream  
You can die of alcohol poisoning if you get booze in there  
Look it up

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want to die of leek poisoning because i got leeks in there

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I never knew how useful the butt was before we started this whole dating thing  
Well you haven't gotten dick poisoning yet so I wouldn't worry too much about that  
Leeks are healthy and non-toxic

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
i'm sick and lonely and i'm not in the mood to have anything up my ass

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Oh YOURE lonely  
You're the one who's been asleep all day  
Wait what if this IS the dick poisoning

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
then you'd have it worse.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Are you SURE this is just the flu??  
Shut up  
Mine is obviously more powerful and toxic

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
come hold my hand, i miss you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You're scheming to get me sick with whatever you've got and I don't like it one bit

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
read me something then  
my mom used to read to me when i got sick

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR MOM  
GO CALL HER IF YOU WANT A STORY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i just don't want you hanging out in a public toilet all day  
come home  
i always felt better when my dog sat with me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Oh now I'm your DOG  
Why don't you call your precious dog to come visit you

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
well, what do you do when you get sick?  
i don't think she can answer the phone

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I grit my teeth and recover through sheer force of will

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you sounded really sure the leeks would work

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It seems logical  
But no I've never needed them personally  
We used image training at my house

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.....what does that mean

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We had this framed picture of a little cartoon germ  
And when anybody got sick we would put the picture in their line of sight so they could visualize beating him up until he admitted defeat and left their body

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.........

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Also the rest of us would all come in and divide their stuff up in case they died  
It would cycle back to them eventually but the key was not to get sick in the first place

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.................................  
i didn't know about this

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That's how I got so strong  
My brothers knew where I kept my porn so it was very motivating

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what if it was your mom who got sick

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
ESPECIALLY if it was my mom  
She has a bunch of great stuff but we never got to that step because she'd be better within hours

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
oh

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
My mom is extremely powerful  
She's the only one I would forfeit to in battle  
And she always said leeks would work if we ever needed serious treatment  
Your family clearly didn't bother teaching you the kind of willpower I have so I'm just trying to account for that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i know you're worried  
i just need some more rest

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You need leeks

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the leeks won't make me feel better  
you will  
and i'm gonna get a headache if you keep making me look at the phone  
come make some dinner and stay with me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
MAYBE I WILL  
I spent good money on these leeks and they are going into you through one entrance or the other


	5. Chapter 5

_(outtakes from previous chapter)_

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Oh now I'm your DOG

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no  
when she wants to sleep in my bed she doesn't wait ten years to do it  
Hiracchi  
are you there

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't have a response  
I think you beat me  
Don't be that clever again it's very demoralizing

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
are you going to be okay

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't know

* * *

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
My mom is extremely powerful  
She's the only one I would forfeit to in battle

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what about my grandma

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No I could definitely take your grandma

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.......................

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Not saying I WOULD but I definitely could if I needed to  
Your whole family is pretty wimpy so make sure they never try to start anything with me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
my family likes you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Just make sure they know what they'd be dealing with  
Better for everyone involved

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Wan-chan would protect them

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Your dog is a weakling and I could beat her with one hand tied behind my back  
WHY ARE YOU DOING CAPS FOR THE DOG

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
it's her name  
why are you so upset

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THATS SUPPOSED TO BE MY THING  
ITS THE THING YOU DO FOR ME

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
........  
are you jealous of my dog

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
IM JUST SAYING  
TELL YOUR DOG YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY TERRITORY  
AND ILL KICK HER ASS IF I FIND HER TRESPASSING ON MY TERRITORY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
she's just a dog

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If you had to pick one of us to survive who would it be

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
?????

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THIS SHOULDNT BE A HARD QUESTION

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why are you doing this  
people don't have to pick between having a boyfriend or a dog

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
But you at least like me better than your parents??????????  
RIGHT?????????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what??

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU LIVE WITH ME  
YOU HAVE TO LIKE ME BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i do like you best  
my family is a different thing  
you don't love me more than you love your brothers

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Yes I do

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.....

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If you slept one night in the same room with my brothers you'd like you better too

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
but you wouldn't let them die so i could live  
.....right  
??

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What kind of sick question is that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.....

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What is wrong with you

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you see my point?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OKAY FINE  
Just make SURE your dog knows I'd win if we ever fought  
Tell your grandma I could kick her ass too if she tries stealing you back

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
...okay

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No actually you'd better say butt  
Don't be rude to your grandma  
And if my family invades you'd better just hide  
My mom could definitely kick your ass

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i know  
i don't think they will though  
they always seem pretty glad to have me handling you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING THEM

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i mean taking care of you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OK WELL  
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE ELSE TRIED TO STEAL ME  
WHAT WOULD YOU DO

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
...  
do you want to be with them, or are they making you go

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Who CARES  
Why does that matter

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i already know what the first one feels like  
remember?  
but if they were making you go i'd kill them  
where'd you go

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm either scared or turned on  
But I don't know which

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "what kind of groupchat program works like this" haha, i don't know, a magic one i guess
> 
> (hiratsuka's 3 younger brothers are canon but basically ocs)

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I CANT TELL WHICH ONE YOU ARE WHEN YOURE JUST WORDS AND YOU KNOW IT  
CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PHONE NAME YOU CANT ALL USE THAT ONE  
MAKE IT SOMETHING COOL LIKE MINE

 **Hiratsuka:**  
No. I have a job.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I ALSO HAVE A JOB  
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
I MEAN ANYTHIGN???????????????????

 **Hiratsuka:**  
I need to communicate professionally with my coworkers.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FUCK YOUR COWORKERS IM YOUR BROTHER  
YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY

 **Hiratsuka:**  
I stopped listening to you when I was nine years old.  
And thanks to that, I'm a productive member of society today.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
ITS NOT EVEN YOUR NAME ITS MY NAME

 **Hiratsuka:**  
I happen to think I've done more to earn it.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Fuck you  
Whichever one you are

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
it's heikichi

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Why are you here?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
He's always here  
DOn't tell him what to do that's my job  
AND YES HE ALSO HAS A JOB BEFORE YOU ASK

 **Hiratsuka:**  
But does he have a life, is the question.

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm settling for a healthy sex life.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️** :  
That is way Tmi dude

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Can you STOP SAYING THAT TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WE TALK TO  
HAMANAKA WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE  
GO AWAY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why  
go away, hamanaka

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Who is that?  
How many men are you dating?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FCUK YOU  
SHUT UP  
NEXT TIME I SEE YOU IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS

 **Hiratsuka:**  
So you're not dating that one?

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
he is not.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Then why is he here? Tell him to go away.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️** :  
U kno what  
I have every right 2 b here

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM GONNA KICK BOTH YOUR ASSES

 **Hiratsuka:**  
You don't even know who I am.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️** :  
So fuck all of u

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THEN ILL JUST KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES  
I BET YOU ALL DESERVE IT

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I will not b censored

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i told you it's heikichi

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SHUT THE FUCK UP HAMANAKA  
Bullshit it is not  
How can you tell

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
shut up, hamanaka  
he's the one who uses punctuation

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Is this ur brother or something senpai  
I didn't kno u had a nerd brother

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Who are YOU?

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Shut up nerd  
Is he younger than me, can I say that

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't tell my brother to shut up

 **Hiratsuka:**  
How about you shut up?  
Whoever you are.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't tell my kouhai to shut up

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
(☆▽☆) Senpai...........

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
I didn't kno u caoh ok I see how it is  
I 4got 2 delete the first part so just imagine its gone

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO GET RID OF YOU

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Block him.  
Then call him and tell him I'm not a nerd.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM BLCOKING BOTH OF YOU  
I've had ENOUGH  
How do I do that

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Click on his name

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Click on his name.

> _Imaoka shinobu has been removed_

**Hiratsuka:**  
For God's sake

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FUCK

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Come the fuk on  
Lmfao tho

> _REAL☆Hiratsuka left the group_

**Hiratsuka:**  
Is he coming back?

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Idk  
O shit I can't bug them nemore if they start a new group

 **Hiratsuka:**  
How are you here in the first place?

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
They let me in 1ce and I've been coasting on that

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Damn it  
I had to call five times just to get into this.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Just txt him dude he's ur bro

 **Hiratsuka:**  
He never answers those.  
Apparently it's a lot easier when he thinks it might be his boyfriend.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Then ur not setting the rite bait  
Get him pissed off and he'll yell what u want 2 find out eventually

 **Hiratsuka:**  
I can think of better uses of my time than waiting for my brother to yell what I'm trying to find out.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Oh yeah like CALLING HIRATSUKA SENPAI 500 TIMES  
Listen I'm here 4 u in ur time of need so maybe listen 2 my fuking advice  
Hey did u go 2 Nikogaku bc I might be UR senpai

 **Hiratsuka:**  
No.  
To both the advice and the question.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Well ok then I guess u can fuck off!!!!

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Do you think the boyfriend might come back and relay a question for me?

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Idk the phone might be up his ass rn  
Depending on where they r

 **Hiratsuka:**  
Thanks for your help.

* * *

 

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Do u have a problem w my dads  
Bc it's the 21st century and I can beat u up if I need to  
How tall r u bc u sound pretty nerdy

 **Hiratsuka:**  
When I was five, I broke my leg in three places...  
...because he told me everyone in our family could fly if we squeezed our eyes shut and believed in ourselves.

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
No offense but u must've been one dumb kid  
Lol

 **Hiratsuka:**  
What did he tell you he could do?

 **HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Let's move on now


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> contains semi-joking mentions of furry vore and micro because i am still struggling to comprehend that one splash page where hiratsuka is a tiny naked gremlin

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you ever think about being really tiny

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What are you trying to say???????  
Oh you mean like you  
But then you'd have to be even shorter  
People would laugh at you  
I'd laugh at you

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i mean really tiny, like the size of a baseball

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i just think it'd be cute

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT  
HOW IS IT CUTE YOUD STILL BE SHORTER

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
no i'd be regular size

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT  
WHAT??????????????????

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i could take care of you  
i used to think about it during practice sometimes

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO WONDER YOU FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't suck  
that much  
it was easier catching the ball when i pretended it was you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I DID NOT CONSENT TO YOUR FANTASIES OF THROWING ME VIOLENTLY AROUND A BASEBALL FIELD

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't throw you!  
i just tossed you gently sometimes  
just up and down in the air

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Are you into puking too because you know how I get airsick

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you don't get airsick

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't tell me what I wouldn't do if I was a baseball

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'd keep you safe if you were  
i wouldn't let you get airsick

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Damn right  
BUT ID NEED DOLL CLOTHES  
WHY WOULD YOU WANT THIS??????????  
THEYD COST A FORTUNE

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
no i was never thinking about you having clothes on

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm never putting my dick in you again  
Every time we talk about high school you tell me some new way you were thinking about my ass the whole time  
How did you graduate when you were turning in homework covered with my DICK

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't draw on my homework

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why not  
How can you say you were obsessed with me in high school if you weren't even drawing my dick on your homework

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
sometimes i drew us kissing if we were animal people  
not on my homework though  
i wasn't sure what animal you'd want to be but i guessed a bear  
and usually i was a squirrel or a smaller bear  
we'd hibernate together to keep warm  
then sometimes you'd eat me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't like any part of what I just read

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
LOOK  
I JUST DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE THAT DEPRESSED IN HIGH SCHOOL  
THERES BETTER WAYS TO GO OUT THAN AN ANIMAL EATING YOU  
WHY ME ANYWAY DONT YOU KNOW IM THE FIRST ONE THE COPS WOULD ASK  
YOU EXPECT ME TO LIVE WITH THAT GUILT AND GET ARRESTED ON TOP OF IT

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
it wasn't about being dead, it was a sexy thing

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You mean I'd '''eat'''' you  
JUST SAY THAT NEXT TIME

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
no I mean you'd eat me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why do we have to be bears for that  
WHAT THE FUCJ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
it just seemed like we'd be really close if you ate me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Look  
I'm calling the cops

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
like i'd be part of you  
you'd trust me not to be poison  
and i could do something to help you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Didyou ever just fucking  
Jack it like a normal person  
Why bother learning to draw bears when you could draw us kissing like regular  
Are bears hard to draw they seem like they'd just be some circles and ears  
I bet I could do it

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i thought you wouldn't like that  
or you'd find out if i did

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
you NEVER WHacked off to human me  
EVER  
???????

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i did, i was just less nervous when you were a bear

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SAFE WORD  
I need to stop

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
what's wrong??

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Your brain is in another dimension right now and I am not comfortable with it being there  
Can we just be normal now  
Can you pretend to be normal for a few days

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i am normal

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
..........................  
............  
.....................................

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm kind of normal

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Wait what kind of bear was I  
I'm assuming a powerful one

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
a big soft one that liked cuddling  
i think it was a pretty good guess

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm not hearing powerful

* * *

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
How am I supposed to sleep next to you knowing you're plotting to eat me

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want to eat you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What  
WHY NOT

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you're definitely poisonous

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THE HELL I AM

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
and i'd miss you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM A DELICACY  
WAIT THIS IS SOME REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY SHIT AND IM NOT FALLING F  
OR IT  
FOR IT

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
it's not psychology  
i don't want to eat you

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I HOPE YOU KNOW YOURE ONLY SOUNDING MORE SUSPICIOUS  
IM IN AMAZING SHAPE BY THE WAY I CANT EVEN IMAGINE HOW MUCH NUTRITION IS FLOATING AROUND IN HERE  
WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR DINNER BY THe way

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you were supposed to eat ME, that was the whole point  
it'd be as close as i could possibly get

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm trying to move on in case you hadn't picked up on that  
Close to what

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
your heart  
or maybe your soul  
whatever's in there next to the stomach

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What the fuck is wrong with you

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm just trying to explain the fantasy

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't explain any of your fantasies to me ever again or I'll call the cops

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't make fun of your maid outfit thing

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Because that's completely normal and I have nothing to be ashamed of

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
or for crying when you bottom  
or that time you dreamed i didn't like you anymore and you woke me up at 4am to cry on me and you got snot all over the new sheets  
or when you get too excited and finish in 30 seconds

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Ok sorry  
I get it  
Sorry  
I was joking actually

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
.....

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's really funny how you thought I was serious  
We're both grownups and there's no judgment here  
You can jack it to me turning into a bear and killing you if it means that much to you

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
it just meant a lot to me  
back when i didn't think you'd ever want to cuddle with me unless we were bears

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I understand every word of whatever the hell you're trying to say  
And I was joking this whole time  
Amazed you didn't pick up on it

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you can stop now

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Ok


	8. Chapter 8

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What's it like???  
Not saying I'd do it ever but just wondering

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
have you ever had sausage  
it's kind of like that but alive

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I changed my mind I'm not trying this

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i meant in a good way

* * *

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU  
Are gay

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i guess so

* * *

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Y r u targeting me like this  
There's no shame in being a freeter  
I'm living my life takin each day as it comes  
What hav U accomplished since hischool anyway  
Nothing that's whatt

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i fall asleep every night in the arms of the man i love

**HAMANAKA ☀️:**  
Yeah like I said, nothing


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe they became youtube Content Creators i'm so angry at them

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Listen can you shoot the next video too I'm having some more creative visions  
I don't have any money yet but I can pay in exposure  
Also you have to edit it because none of those programs you showed me make any sense

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'd rather you didn't credit me for these actually

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No I mean I'll show you my dick

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Think again because is the deal of the CENTURY I'm offering you here  
Oh ok good I thought you'd hold out longer

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
but you know i can already see it anytime i want, right

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's still a damn good deal

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why are you so excited about selling your body to me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No there's no money involved so this is called bartering  
I'm bartering you some top grade beef in exchange for your services in getting my brand off the ground

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why are you so excited about bartering your body to me

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHY ARENT YOU EXCITED ABOUT BUILDING MY BRAND


	10. Chapter 10

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FINE you win  
Pick your prize

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want  
a bunch of soft kisses

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
How about some regular kisses

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no  
soft ones

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Those are very limited edition items

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
that's why i'm asking for them, you said i got a prize

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Well you can't ask for a bunch give me a number instead

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want you counting, it's not fun when you do that

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Look how bout I make dinner instead

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
please don't do that

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHY NOT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
kissing me shouldn't be harder than making dinner

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I just don't get the POINT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the point is you kissing me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
But if I'm not getting a boner then why bother

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
because you love me?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Does it really get you off because it doesn't do a thing for me and that just doesn't seem fair  
WELL YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want to get off every time we cuddle

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why not I thought you were super gay for me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
that sounds exhausting and i think it might kill us

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Not me I'm a machine

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
then you owe me for that time you got drunk  
and i thought you were about to kiss me but instead you threw up in my lap and cried because a girl at the mall told you to leave her alone  
also in my lap

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That did NOT happen

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
it did.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It was two different nights I was only drunk for the first thing  
For your information

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
then i have two favors to call in  
plus the one from just now, that's three bunches of kisses

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Listen I didn't plan this very well can we start over

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
kissing me gently would be a really good way to work on your self control

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
But it's so much workkkkkkkkk

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
it's just cuddling with your mouth

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If my mouth is touching something my dick should be hard

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
....  
how do you eat

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
VERY CAREFULLY THANKS FOR ASKING

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
now i really don't want you to make dinner

* * *

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Say the magic words

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i love you ♥♥♥

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
???

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Say the other ones

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you are the most special, wonderful man in the world and i will never ever get tired of you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO THE OTHER ONES  
It's like you don't even know me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i subscribed to the youtube channel with 5 more socks today

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Attababy

* * *

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you know it isn't "too big"

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Maybe your ass is just especially slutty

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
..............

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
..................................................

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM SERIOUS ITS A REAL POSSIBILITY  
ITS NOT LIKE IVE TESTED THIS THING OUT ON ANYONE ELSES ASSHOLE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you really have to say it like that

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I've never seen any porno where someone took offense to hearing they had a slutty anything

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
how can an ass be slutty  
shouldn't the owner be the slutty one

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
STOP trying to change the subject  
That's a good question actually you should call the porno people and correct them  
No wait I'll do it you'd just get distracted  
By your sex needs  
For my dick  
Also I don't want you talking to porno people and I forbid it

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe your ass is the slutty one

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You can't talk to me like that  
Anyway technically you don't even have an ass  
But I've learned to forgive you for that


	11. Chapter 11

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Hey I'm filling out this magazine quiz what's it like when I'm doing you

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Describe my Lovemaking Style in three words or less  
For the magazine quiz I am filling out to discover my inner truths

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't know  
loud

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That's not an option

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
wet

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That's also not an option  
Also what's that supposed to mean

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
what are the options?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'll just put Tough But Fair

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
how is that possibly an option

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm writing it in!!!!!!

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
is there actually a quiz or are you fishing for compliments

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't try to change the subject what did you mean by WET

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you cry kind of a lot

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Wrong  
You're confusing me with one of your other worse lovers  
Listen I have a thesaurus open now so I'm just gonna throw a bunch of words at you  
Stop me when I hit something that describes my Lovemaking Style

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
can you stop saying lovers and lovemaking

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Amazing  
Mindblowing  
No  
That was an answer don't pick No it's not an option  
Powerful  
Masterful  
Dominating  
Commanding  
Robust

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
is Commanding the same thing as bossy

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO god damn it

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you're pretty bossy on top

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Eat SHIT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't say it was a problem

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SINCE WHEN AM I BOSSY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
pushy, then  
you don't talk enough to be bossy

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SO I can put Forceful And Manly in on the quiz then??????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i guess

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Forcibly Manful

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
not that one

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Manfully Forceful??????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe just put "powerful"

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
See you could've made this a whole lot simpler by listening to me in the first place

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
now i'm coming back to "bossy"

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
QUIT COMING BACK TO THAT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you act like you seriously think i mind

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I object to you spreading these lies about me  
If I'm so bossy how come I can't make you stop being annoying

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe you like it  
?

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Maybe DIE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm pretty sure you like it


End file.
